Reluctant

The good old high school days 

This is one of the songs I wrote back when I was in 4th year high school. Back when I wasn’t choosy about whether the inspiration is a good or bad moment. The concept of this song is: “I love you, you love her, and she loves you too. I am gonna find someone new but why is it that I miss you?”

The song is pretty heartfelt, really emotional. I never really recorded this song but I still remember how to sing it along with the chords XD.

Memories are flooding the scene.  Wallow with me .

“It would be an eternity, If I didn’t see you smile.  It never fails to dazzle me, even from afar.  I’d rather have it like this with you here.  I’m impressed by the way you make me feel but tell me one thing, before i let you go, was I existent or just part of the flow?

**Why does your heart whisper her name? When mine can only scream yours.  I could only drink in the sight of you. I have found but can never keep. Memorizing every contour I know, it cant be.

I cannot express what i want to say. Should I be this helpless? Should I fret?  Would you face me?  Will you stay? Too many questions, too much wasted time. Is this the answer? Is this the end of the line? Would you come with me or stay behind? [repeat **]

This is the part of me I want to show, wont you heed my call? Tell me one thing, this I ought to know…

It would be an eternity if i didnt see you smile.. [then repeat **]“

Trickstep Plot

This is what I’ve been working on for roughly 1-2 months now. Progress is slow but sure. This plot  I wrote was developed by my fellow member Claude and I for the Trickstep Doujinshi Manga/Novel. Along with Claude, Kei and Sarah, I will be writing the chapters for the Novel counterpart which will in turn be the basis for the manga. This would be pretty tricky because the manga should be kid friendly

Here are the two organizations mentioned.

The Seventh Sanctum - as you all know, the bad guys of the story.

E.C.O Unit – I borrowed this name from a guild in a previous game I played
- Elite Covert Operations Unit
- The good guys, disguised as E.Co (Entertainment Corp), the hottest recording label in Metro City.

Summary:

Metro City: The Metropolis of Dancing; where life, music and the art of dancing converge.

Here, the passion for dance is evident. With the soul of music, it is such a powerful form of expression that it allows friendships to grow stronger, for love to delve
deeper. This is a sentiment most share as they live harmoniously.

As most cities that are prosperous, Metro City also has its own battle scars. Past obstacles that were overcome but not forgotten. The war was definitely not
forgotten especially by those that were on the losing end of the clash. They lie dormant, waiting for a chance to strike back.

The city, still basking in peace and its former triumph, is now prone to succumb to the resurfacing force of evil of The Seventh Sanctum, slowly poisoning its life
force; perverting the city’s message of peace and friendship. Beyond victory, the city has been blinded. Beyond defeat, The Seventh Sanctum seeks its revenge.

Years have passed and though the signs were small and almost incomprehensible, they were not missed by those who vowed to protect the city and its dwellers.
The E.C.O. (Elite Covert Operations) Unit, an elite squadron of dancer specially trained for warfare and espionage are now moving to put a stop to The Seventh
Sanctum. They have only recently realized the quiet yet rapid rise of the organization because though the squadron has put a close watch on a number of
suspected previous members of the sanctum, no discoveries lead to any further information that would be useful. Now, the violence that The Seventh Sanctum
has incorporated into their abusive dance trainings and techniques have resurfaced… Metro City once again finds itself in the face of adversity.

The metropolis’ welfare now at stake, E.C.O. Unit sends its finest agents to the City High School. This is where, according to reliable sources, the new “Evil Render” could be found. With the lone information that the Evil Render is a student in the high school, the agents struggle to find and reveal his identity but time slips
away, and it doesn’t favor them by doing so. They have to move quickly.

Slowly The Seventh Sanctum’s plans unfold, but a new hope is found in a bunch of strangers whose lives are intertwined by the twist of events that eventually
forge a strong, unique friendship between them… But would this be enough to challenge the overwhelming power of the sanctum?

The past and present coincide as they strive to overcome obstacles… The journey is written but the ending quite unpredictable. Would The Seventh Sanctum
triumph or would justice be served? What would happen in the greatest ass-kicking fiesta in the history of the dance floor?

Surely, there’s only one way to find out.

What exactly am I writing about?

From: http://kaijuuu.multiply.com/journal/item/1/What_exactly_am_I_writing_about

Blink, blink, blink.

The cursor was blinking outrageously at me. For a good five to ten minutes, except for the blinking, it just stayed there, almost to the point of waiting for nothing. It was one of those moments when I just sat in front of the pc, staring; blinking my eyes in sync with the cursor. I imagined, that if it could talk, it would’ve cursed, cursed and cursed.

My eyes were starting to hurt as I continued my staring match with the cursor, it wouldn’t give up! So why would I? Proud as I was, I glared at it, muttering: “You stupid cursor! Yield to my demands! I, am your master!” I was annoyed, mad even, it was after all just a vertical line that happens to blink rhythmically. It should do what I want!

Unfortunately, it didn’t think so, maybe that blinking line understood more about life than I did. Again, it just stayed there; blinking furiously as if trying to make me feel guilty for not being able to write anything. What exactly were my demands? I couldn’t even provide one.

Blink, blink, blink.

Think. I realized with a sinking feeling that this was a match I was bound to lose, the cursor was no easy opponent for me. Was I that weak? Maybe I am, It is after all, submissive! It shall do as I bid it to, I am it’s master. But why can’t I make it move?

Feel. It kept bleeping, the steady rhythm like my own heartbeat. It pulsed, this time no longer to mock me. It seemed excited, it was urging me to express! It was sure that I was ready this time around. I was no longer angry.

Accept. The feeling of acceptance slowly crept back into my system. I am the cursor’s master, I am it’s lead. It will not move just because I want it to, it will move because I made it so. Was I relieved? Yes I am. Finally, I can make it move.

Act. My fingers are now moving freely, pressing on each key, the rhythm a match to the blinking pattern of the cursor. The tapping sound of the keyboard was music to my ears, it was simply indescribable. I am writing! Finally, I am! However strange the manner I got inspired, to do so. It is a rush of emotions, it is a flood of realizations.

I am the cursor’s master, I am it’s lead. I make it move, I choose its path. I can control the outcome of my writing. It is my choice.

Truly, this inanimate object understands more about life than I do. I could’ve thanked it but I know it would simply just blink at me with blank incomprehension. It wants more from me. It wants me to move, for I am my life’s master, I am it’s lead. I walk my own path through the roads of destiny, for the way I live my life? It is my choice to make.

I stare at the screen once more and smile…

The blinking has yet to stop.

Daily Allowcance

This is a walk down memory lane

This entry was written on Friday, July 14th, 2006 at 9:34 pm

Living on a daily 120 peso allowance never meant much to me until this moment came. Yes, I am an angry teenager who knows nothing but live life to the fullest of frivolities at the expense of everyone else. Yes, you read it right… Everyone else. I am a selfish being that revels at the gut busting pain of every living human that is linked to me. I am the cause of their downfall and for this I firmly believe that my mother should have killed me at the spark of this hellish life because I sincerely regret being a mongrel sized shit hole. I am my father’s disappointment, I am my mother’s curse… I am THE problem. Call it being subtle with a touch of finesse that they talk behind my back. Call it courteous that they pour every blackness of my soul beside me; again: BESIDE ME when they think I’m asleep, would not wake up and thus could not hear. I am not to be trusted, that is crystal clear… THEY dont and they consider themselves lucky. I am not their joy, I am the cause of loathe filling their beings and I am a healthy dose of headaches when they hear of me. I am not their precious daughter neither am I the obedient neice, I am simply a being that everybody loves to despise. Asking for something –more likely material things– is the name of the game for me and THEN they say they care, that I need to change for the better… BUT with every moment I spend with them I feel the “hidden” look of hate on me and my pathetic life… and the wish that I would die or just simply disappear from their agenda. The pain of this obvious yet late realization made me conscious of what I am to them, I am merely a pair or more of digits. PERA lang ako para sa kanila at ang masama para sa mga taong to, perang winawaldas lang dahil hindi sa kanila napupunta. Maybe I didnt realize this sooner because I was blind? No, no, NO! It’s more like I didn’t want to see it that way, I didn’t want to face the truth… I didn’t want to see that they were like that… simply because I did feel for them, I do feel for them. Maybe its just time I accept the fact that to them I will never be more than just a nuisance, a PROBLEM that will never cease to exist till my last breath. Its not a surprise that when I look back, my life is empty, I am EMPTY… there is nothing more to it that just the hurtful words and actions that slapped me right at the face, nothing more… nothing more… 120 fucking bucks, yeah I will live it… even though the current economic ~crisis~ isn’t helping, I will live with it. It’s ironic that people see me as anything otherwise but…. I’ve always been an antagonist, a villain… I break rules to get what I want, I guess in their eyes I will always be… and HELL YEAH, I will be. Nothing more like living a day worth a hundred twenty bucks. Nothing more like living my life.